


A Knot In My Stomach and My Heart In My Hands

by infinityandluck



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Comfort, Critmas 2019, Drinking, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, Nightmares, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-26 20:01:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21974386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infinityandluck/pseuds/infinityandluck
Summary: There was the crashing of waves on the shore, breaking on the sand and retreating back into the sea.There was the crashing of waves on the shore. Violent. Tempestuous. Raging.Drowning.He wasn’t on the shore, he was in the water. The waves thundering above him while planks of wood bolted into the deep and floated around him.And it was dark, sinking so deep, it was dark. Then a flash of yellow, illuminating the watery deep, overtook him and pulled him deeper into the abyss. Deeper and deeper until he was consumed by the darkness. Consumed by him.
Relationships: Fjord/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 2
Kudos: 84
Collections: Critmas Exchange 2019





	A Knot In My Stomach and My Heart In My Hands

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AnnemaReads](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnemaReads/gifts).



There was the crashing of waves on the shore, breaking on the sand and retreating back into the sea.

There was the crashing of waves on the shore. Violent. Tempestuous. Raging.

Drowning.

He wasn’t on the shore, he was in the water. The waves thundering above him while planks of wood bolted into the deep and floated around him.

And it was dark, sinking so deep, it was dark. Then a flash of yellow, illuminating the watery deep, overtook him and pulled him deeper into the abyss. Deeper and deeper until he was consumed by the darkness. Consumed by _him._

Fjord woke up covered in water and gasping for air. And, once he caught his breath and calmed himself down, he was glad to find that the water was only sweat, knowing full well what else it might’ve been.

He sat up straight. The sheets had all been pushed to the foot of the bed and the pillows had been thrown onto the floor. Moonlight crept in from the window, illuminating the room a little. His eyes darted around, desperately trying to take in his surroundings and ground himself. Eventually, his gaze landed on the bed next to his: empty, with the sheets shoved off to the side in a similar manner. 

Caleb was gone and Fjord couldn’t help but feel disappointed, and perhaps a little worried. It wasn’t that he expected the man to be up, but a part of him, deep down, wanted to talk to him. To be comforted by him. 

It was a foolish thought anyway. 

He pushed that aside and focused on the fact that Caleb was missing. Part of him thought of the worst thing that could’ve happened, but he knew, logically, that Caleb was always getting up in the night and leaving. In the early days, he was worried that Caleb (and by extension, Nott) would leave in the middle of the night and never return, but he liked to think now that they were all close enough that he would stay. 

Fjord swung his legs over the bed and his bare feet landed on the cold, wooden floor with a soft _thump._ He shoved his boots back on, not bothering with putting on any of his extra layers over his simple shirt and pants, and made his way down the stairs, knowing that that was where Caleb would most likely be if not here. 

No matter how late it was, Fjord found, there was almost always someone still out having a drink. What looked to be a half-elven couple sat at the bar, and a human man was sitting in a far corner, face hidden in a book. He recognized that instantly to be Caleb. 

He lingered on the last step leading to the tavern, but rather than walking back to the room, just being satisfied with seeing Caleb then leaving, he made a beeline to where he was sitting. 

He was bathed in the warm glow of the nearby fire. His hair caught the light and burned a deep red, like a flame, and Fjord couldn’t help but feel a little flustered. He looked really handsome like that. 

Caleb was too engulfed in his book to notice Fjord’s appearance, so he softly rapped his knuckles against the table to get his attention. 

“Hey, Caleb, what’re you doing up?” It was more small talk than anything, but he didn’t know what else to say. Because ‘I had a nightmare and when I woke up you were gone and I was worried you left’ wasn’t typically a conversation that people had. 

He quickly set down his book in a startled manner, but quickly recovered, “ah, Fjord. I could ask the same of you,” he gave a small, sad smile, “I could not sleep.”

“Yeah, I feel that.” 

Caleb looked at him thoughtfully, “nightmare?”

“It’s been so long since I had one, I was kind of hoping I wouldn’t get them anymore.” Caleb gestured to the chair next to him and Fjord sat down unceremoniously, “you get them too, don’t you?” Judging by the expression that flashed across Caleb’s face, that probably wasn’t the right thing to say, “Sorry, that was rude, it isn’t my place to ask.”

“Nein...uh, ja, I have nightmares still sometimes. It is why I am up now, so we are in the same boat here, ja?” Fjord found himself mirroring the slightly awkward smile that Caleb gave him. 

And maybe he felt a blush make its way onto his face too, but if Caleb didn’t say anything, then he wouldn’t either. 

“You want a drink?” It was the only thing he could think of that would maybe prevent him from making a fool of himself. 

“Ja,” Caleb said without hesitation, but not hastily, “that sounds good.” 

Fjord stood up and walked over to the bar, rather than call someone over. He ordered two ales and used the time to compose himself: to take a deep breath, maybe run a hand through his hair if Caleb wasn’t looking. 

The barmaid set the two drinks in front of him and he carried them back to the table, handing one to Caleb. 

“Danke,” he took a large drink, and Fjord raised his glass in acknowledgment, then took a drink as well. 

“Was the nightmare about…?” Caleb gestured with his drink in his hand. Fjord knew what he meant. 

“Yeah.” There was no point in not talking about it, that wouldn’t do anybody any good. 

“Did you?” This time, Caleb’s brows furrowed together and he tilted his head forward. 

“Not this time, thankfully.” The conversation came to a lull, and both men nursed their drinks. 

Fjord watched as the couple at the bar left and as chairs were stacked on tables, but their corner was left alone. 

And maybe it was the privacy they had been given, and perhaps the drink that was maybe going to his head, or even the ever-looming threat of danger and death, but Fjord spoke again, this time from his heart, “Caleb, I’m glad you’re here.”

Caleb examined him, not meeting his eyes, but looking at his face, taking everything in, “I am glad I am here too.”

There was a knot in his stomach that was probably tighter than any kind he had tied while he was out at sea, “I say that because, in all this time that we’ve gotten to know one another, I’ve realized that I like you.” 

Fjord didn’t know what was making him so nervous. He had liked people before, been with people before, this was nothing new. But it was new. He had never met someone like Caleb before. 

He sucked in a breath as Caleb responded, “I like you too.”

“No, I mean—”

“Fjord, I know,” Caleb’s face was red, whether from alcohol or embarrassment, Fjord couldn’t tell, but he was sure that he had a similar flush to his face. 

He scratched the back of his neck nervously, “oh.”

Caleb stared down at the table, “Ja.” Fjord almost thought he heard his voice crack a little. 

An awkward but not uncomfortable silence fell over them and Fjord couldn’t stop stealing glances over at Caleb, who appeared to be doing the same. 

Fjord yawned and it made him realize how tired he was, “I think I should maybe turn in for the night. Get some sleep before we head out in the morning,” he stretched as he stood up, feeling both incredibly light and incredibly heavy after the conversation. 

“Would you,” Caleb spoke suddenly, “would you, uh…like to share a bed?” It was obvious that he was slightly embarrassed by the question, but he continued, “I know it is good for helping with nightmares.” 

Fjord stopped where he stood, a huge, goofy grin breaking out on his face, “yeah, I think I would like that a lot. Just for the nightmares though,” he joked. 

“Ja, of course, just for the nightmares.” Caleb pushed his chair back and stood up, walking with Fjord back up to the room. 

And if Nott walked into their shared room in the morning and saw Caleb’s head on Fjord’s chest and Fjord sprawled out on the bed like a starfish and all the blankets on the ground, she didn’t say anything. Or maybe she did, just not to them. It was just a few giggles here and there from her and Jester, and a pat on the back and a thumbs-up from Beau. 

Fjord didn’t expect anything less, and, looking at Caleb, he couldn’t hope for anything more. 

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Holidays to everyone! And to AnnemaReads, I hope you enjoy this!


End file.
